Mayday to Tampons

A: Wanna go to Mayday?
K: Mayhaps
A: What else are you gonna do? Make mayonnaise?
K: That made me LOL. (whining and complaining and excuses)
K: I just wanted to warn you so you didn't go mayo on me
A: That's a fucking riot! I just ROFLed
K: Ifthat was in any way mocking me, im going to lob your head off
A: As you know, I've been watching a period series and they used this insult in ep. 7 "Don't be a boobie"
K: Period like you can only watch it when you are menstruating?
A: Like you're menstruating in the 1900s. No pads or tampons.

He's a keeper

I was making out with a stripper last night and she was texting. The whole world is falling apart. We shared a bottle of absynth... maybe I wasn't paying enough attention to her.

Interrupting professor who?

Let me show you something—it has nothing to do with what you're talking about

Blow jobs are in aisle 4

You can go to Walmart and get everything and anything you need—you just walk in and get your dick sucked

Rocky rules!

Sylvester Stallone is the most important person in our society

No, she only walks

Paris Hilton—is that bitch still running around?

Ouch

*physical slap*

Did you hear that? It's a knitting company called Boye!

Constructive Criticism

Take that shirt off IMMEDIATELY!

T.H.O.

You could do this...but then it would look like boobs.

Interrupting professor who?

Let me show you something—it has nothing to do with what you're talking about

I'm a pot-smoking slut

My friends' moms probably thought I was a skanky whore who smoked pot because I was a skanky whore who smoked pot.

I like Charlie Sheen

I actually think Charlie Sheen would do me. "Come 'ere, bitch."