Take that time-space continuum

If [designer] and [intern] worked on a project. I think time would go bacwords.

Toothpaste tubes are for weed

That can be used for a lot of things. My son would use that to hide his pot.

Designers won't be looking at it so make it look bad

I know we like white space, but fuck it.

Why aren't you a vegetarian?

Sometimes I need to take on the strength of another animal.

The floppiest designer ever

I can flop with the best of them.

Science rules..

Its all sticky and dark down there.

A jolly good catholic

My Confirmation saint is Santa Claus.

Philly+Pot+26 hours=Florida

I drove to Florida once. It took us about 26 hours. But we smoked so much pot it didn't phase us—it was just endless landscape rolling by.

Out of nowhere

(yelled from across office) Do you like rockin horses?

Big guys do it better

She's done the big guy.

Stonecutter < Jesus

He thinks he went up to heaven and learned typography, but that is not the case.

Not immortal...

If I am cut, I will bleed.

Recipe for Pumpkin Cake

1. Attempt to make Pumpkin Fudge for the first time, the night before Iron Chef Competition. Find the best recipe and adapt it based on comments on-line. Do not use a candy thermometer - those are for wimps.

2. Put on some music and have a blast stirring and stirring while the fudge boils on the stovetop.

3. Pour Fudge mixture into backing dish. Stare and fudge while it is supposed to be setting, and wonder why it is not turning into fudge.

4. Regroup

5. Bake a chocolate cake with pumpkin in it. Turn "fudge" into frosting by adding some confectioner's sugar. When choco-pumpkin cake cools, frost it with the pumpkin frosting.

6. Enjoy.

You're insane

It's kind of like dating, you gotta be careful before you let out the crazy.

Beep beep boop beep

All interns can talk to each other in their own special language. Its called the INTERNet.

A Design Director's Review of AVATAR

I mean, it was okay. I wish there were more nips though. Yeah. Not enough nip.

All but the kitchen sink

She's down for anything; threesome, pickles.

Purple cape = gay?

He is the fruitiest bisexual wizard ever.

Bite me!

I didn't chew on it, I inherited it!

What happens when HR, the principles, and the senior designers leave

Is it just the 3 of us here? Isn't there a bottle of wine in the fridge?

Views on trick-or-treating

I live in the ghetto. I'm not going to open the door for people I don't know. I'll just sit at home with all the lights off.

The crossword puzzles in Maxim are hard

Long, straight and limp...is this crossword puzzle from Maxim?

We only design REALLY ugly ones

There are a lot of ugly ones. We didn't design those.

Appropriate lunch conversation

She's hot...in my mouth.

A wheeled suitcase is a sign of weakness

I'm a man. I do manly things like carry books with my hands.

How to be politically correct in the workplace: lunchtime topics edition

Boobs are exploding everywhere!

I just assume that interns can't do anything

Do you know how to take notes?

Cover your ears...

Get your mind out of the gutter! There's an intern present!

We work as a team

Designer 1: Does anyone have any gum?

Designer 2: No, but I have some oregano-scented hand sanitizer.

Designer 3: I think there's some bleach and Pine Sol under the sink.

That's what she said [while bookbinding]

It's too big! It won't fit!

I fucking hate you

So what you're saying is, we've been teaching kung fu but should be teaching ken po.

So much work, so little time...

Aren't you just an intern?

Oh that sounds yummy!

Look, you can get the sexy cougar OR the cradle for two.

Are you going to offer us your nuts?

I don't want your pity peanuts.

Cheesus's 11th Commandment

Thou shalt not long for cheese.

If gays make fun of gays...

Can I make fun of gays?

Getting drinks is hard

Designer 1 "Hey, since you're up, can you grab me a coke?"

Designer 2 "Sure, I mean, the intern is sitting right there, but sure, I'll get it for you."

No, they only teach us how to use 4x5 cameras

Are you familiar with digital cameras?

Dumbledog?

My dog looks like a gay wizard.

Diabeetuhs

If you don't leave Philly with a serious cholesterol problem, you're not trying hard enough.

We got a wino on our hands

I don't want any responsibilities at work. I'm just going to keep a bottle of wine in my desk.

What should I bring to the end-of-quarter show?

You guys should all bring only Italian food. Pretzels aren't Italian.

I owe Asians half my culture...

You can go home and eat spaghetti tonight. You know, Marco Polo brought spaghetti back from China. You're Asian!

Squares are dumb.

It is a square! It's just stretched.

So punny...

Sometimes I get lost in FFFFound.

What to do if you already know everything

If you don't have any questions, you can just think about Coney island.

You're in luck! Inception recruiters are in town!

I fall asleep really easily.

Sometimes I want to say SHIT...

but, maybe I shouldn't?

Its like I saved her baby or something...

I'm so excited to tell you guys about baseline grids, I can't even see straight.

We are changing the photo lab's late fee to something a little more aggressive

I wish we had a huge guillotine...they're just so sharp and accurate.

What's the difference?

He has sex with different women every night. I have sex with the same woman every night. Same amount of sex.

Our professor is so unfair!

I wouldn't go to the Ohio State Fair if you paid me. It's all fat people with t-shirts that are too tight.

Sometimes Professors know their students a little too well...

He didn't finish.

Jesus was italian...

Italians walk on water. They don't swim.

You learn how to swim when you're drowning

Diane wouldn't let me throw my sons in the water. I had to sit through their boring-ass swimming lessons for 3 months. They could have learned how to swim in 2 minutes if I had thrown them in.

Off the cuff

I don't want you to say, "Joe, you're an asshole."

When you change the color from orange to blue...

You're the bigger whore.

Bring a hammer to class

You should come and nail my butt daily.

Sex Design II

Everybody knows guys are different from girls, right? We don't need to get into that today.

I also have a handicapped sticker for the parking privileges

I carry this cane for the effect.

I'm ready to start teaching again

I took so many pain pills—it really screwed up my mind—I don't even know who I am.

Vitamins curb my enthusiasm problem

I know you guys are excited and taking your vitamins...

K, I'm done...

One day he'll just go home and never come back.

Still #1

Moochie is doing just fine. My wife is still #2. She knows that.

A gay against gay marriage

You have to go to 8 weddings this year? See, that's why I'm glad gays can't get married.

I have a confession to make...

I have metallic nipples.

You tell me...

How do you like to take it?

Just like Obama...

I'd love to see [coworker] smoked out in a room. Just [him] and smoke everywhere.

Shading expert? I am not...

Dude, my four year old daughter can shade better than that.

That hurts...

Did you mean for that to suck?

Inappropriate...

Is that why they call you the tongue man?

How to contact the creative director

You can easily reach me by phone, email, im, pdf, foursquare, courier pigeon, etc.

How to be Politically Correct in the workplace

Not to be so gay about it, but I really felt like that last one was blossoming like a flower.

What language do you want?

american.

Copywriters are Eloquent

How big can you woo-woo?

You're right, I'm only comfortable with White people in boats

I didn't think you'd be comfortable with Asians in the boat.

He's the man...

We just let our dreams soar and [asian coworker] gives them the wings to fly.

Good dancers don't have brains

In central Europe we are very proud of our brains, which is why we don't dance. I had to come to New York to get rid of the cramping in my brain.

Nobody puts baby in the spread

Can we get away with baby? I don't want to do baby.

BTW...

I'm sitting next to 2 guys, about 16 yrs old, wearing girls dresses playing computer games on their laptops. Oh, and they are wearing wigs too.

Where am i?

I'm just perpetually lost in my head

Why animals are endangered

Well, perhaps they are not having fun and so they are going extinct.

Film History 101

Footloose...is that about the paraplegic?

You should listen to me, I know what I'm talking about

I'm making this up.

Words of wisdom from a guest speaker

You can put a gerbil tube up an elephant's ass and have people slide down it, but that doesn't mean you should.

How to make your composition interesting

I set up my camera with a bunch of lightbulbs around it. And I pretended the lightbulbs were naked and dancing with each other. Now you know what goes on in the demented mind of [professor refers to self in third person].

THAT'S why you can always do

You see, in this class, you can make the design first and the goal last.

I'm just being facetious, you know?

I'm flying by the seat of my pants here...

Deserts vs. Whores

The Gila Monster is the horror of the desert, not the whore of the desert.

Apprporiate Teacher-student conversations

I'm gonna have a lot of fun with you one-on-one.

Gordon's last words

Some of you are good designers, some of you are nice.

Ready.. Set...

Ok I swallowed, now I can go.

oUr cLaSsMaTe iZ fAmOuS!!

"[insert student], 17, of Cincinnati, and three of her anti-prom girlfriends made an adventure of prom day, April 7, starting before noon. They drove around and shot lots of pictures of “Mr. Sprinkles,” an eggplant-shaped, 6-ounce container of rainbow candy sprinkles designed to look like a circus clown.

The foursome immortalized Mr. Sprinkles against the backdrop of a chili joint's menu, strapped in a shopping cart, sitting on a fire hydrant, in the street and in a tree.

That night, they had a sleepover at one of their houses. They played board games and watched Disney movies – animated, of course.

They kept the day loose, doing whatever came to mind, especially where Mr. Sprinkles was concerned. “We pretty much went with it,” she said."

-reliable news source

My ideal Moochie...

Marilyn is very volumptuous.. or well built... or whatever.

...

Student - I've been around peacocks my whole life. no I really have...
Professor - As I was saying... oh is she still talking?

But there are no proportions per say....

What's the shape of the thing?
It's large.

Is this it?

Your design sucks, but at least you're free

There's never no where to go. Unless you are in prison.

That's what he said

You don't just whip it out—but there's so many times when I want to.

History Lesson

At one point, Quebec wanted to separate from Canada. They think the rest of Canada speaks a strange language.

Nobody likes Cooper Black

BP's logo is all healthy and green. They make you want to eat it, but it's dirty.

It's Moochie! I love this cat!

I don't fantasize about my wife anymore, but I fantasize about Moochie.

Who else can we eliminate?

You can't fish on a tennis court.

Hey Gang!

This is the easiest class you have ever had and ever will have. Just stay awake.

Get out of here

We introduced the seminar concept...to brush up on gossip about students on Fridays.

That's Italian for Hierarchy

Phillip Glass can do. He is not bad.

If I had to compare [the music of Phillip Glass] to art, it is wallpaper. He goes on and on and on...

What? MOMA doesn't stand for Museum of Modern Appalachians?

Hillbillies don't go to museums all that much.

Do white water rafting companies in Colorado have logos?

They have a logo, probably a bad one. But they don't have to. You can design them a good one.

That's what I need—a cheerleader!

It's ideal, because it's what I would do.

Yes, no, maybe

You could have said no, but I prefer you say yes.

They're like pests

I have never seen this movie, but I doubt its good one.

Crazy Mafia...

You probable will not be hired by the mafia. They will not hire you. At least, not pay you and if they don't like what you do, they will kill you.

You guys know Heinz, don't you?

We don't know what Heinz is going to do. Heinz waits til the eleventh hour to make a decision.

I hate the first day of class

Saul Bass was a real asshole. You'd probably like him and his work, but personality-wise, he was a real son of a bitch.