List areas of concern regarding student's performance

There are none, although there was some mention that [insert co-op's name] should think twice about entering the hipster olympics. She's better than that.

Oh, is that why you come in at 10 and leave at 4?

It's exhausting being this talented.

True Story

When I go to the grocery store, the first thing I do is pick up a six pack. Then I just wander around the store for a couple hours, drinking my beers while I'm shopping. When I go to check out, I just put the caps back on the bottles and put the bottles back in the six pack. It makes grocery shopping a lot more enjoyable.

My boss told me this when I told him we were having a dinner party

I'm going to crash your dinner party completely hammered

The greatest toy never made

Does it vibrate?

Brand Design Potluck

Mmmm... kale is sexxxy

Should we make it one word or two?

Well there's no right way so we can do what we want. How about:

dank'o*/~sekka

Can you trademark that?

I buy lots of educational toys

Math and education is very important to me. You know, like 1+1=4.

Mid-wash jean suit

It's his version of Biz-cas

Dirty Pop

She was stuck on "pop" it was a borderline fetish.

Not quite there yet...

More bulges please!

That's what I call good art direction

Just scatter the good [pictures] amongst all the bad ones. it should go something like: shitty, shitty, shitty, decent, decent, shitty, shitty, decent, shitty, shitty.

I'm not rascist, I'm just telling the truth

And obviously, Asian moms are better than non-Asian moms.

We're sticking with underpants kid

I have no friggin' clue what this is...happy underwear wedgie boy?

Presidents make good fake doctors

"That doctor looks like Barack Obama"

"Yeah, let's keep him. They'll probably like that."

Some of my nicknames

I have been called the following:
Gangsta
Superstar
Kanye
Skate
Lauren
Loud Girl
A co-op

If you leave early, you'll be called a pussy

Cheers to (coworker) being a pussy!

Overtime Policy

If you guys want to stay late, I have some crystal meth for you.

Never gets old

Yeah, you can make that dieline a little bit smaller. Only problem is, smaller it gets harder it gets

(from across the office) THATS WHAT SHE SAID

Wow, this work you've done is revolutionary.

We need to make new packaging for this brush. Make it look just like the old packaging.

Bill it to overhead

You just dropped a $700 light.

It's okay to drink on the clock if your boss orders you to

If you don't get up and get a beer, you're fired.

Don't work on this very long because it's Friday

Can you add a white to green gradient to this to give it a green feeling? Don't add too much green, because we still need to have an impression of white. But it needs to read green, with overall white walk-away.

Why not make it all hell like?

(in the middle of a brainstorm for a catalog cover)
How about we put [insert old art director's name] tied to a pole in the middle of a blazing fire... we can add dancing dolls all around it... they could be chanting...
and saying

fuck you. you fucking, fucks.

We're starting a secret club

(Over the loudspeaker) If you are wearing pink, please come to the lobby.

This is so punNY!

Re: This brings a new meaning to "promotional flyer"

Have you hooked up with Jay yet?

I'M LOCKING YOU IN!

Email chain of doom...

R:
S: Tsk Tsk.. he said all the “bad” words.
Gun, Shoot and Bullet.
That’s because no video game hero ever says, “Stop, or I’ll suction cup you with my Blaster”.
R: Halt! I will blast you with my soft foam dart!
T: Fear the foam of… fear?

I'm supposed to use my hands? I've been using my feet this whole time!

(About my flower, which was handpainted with watercolors and then scanned in)

Can you redo this? We want it to have a more 'hand-done' look.

What project number should I bill my time to when I'm reading Craigslist?

(Someone who I am supposed to be working on a project with): Wait, what are you doing?

Me: Reading missed connections on Craigslist.

Him: Oh let's read the rants and raves! Those are my favorite!

Is pantone 389 a modern color?

"It needs more modern color"

"What does that mean?"

"Oh, you know, colors that are fresher than these."

Coincidence or conspiracy...?

Gender change...

We have this logo and it used to be for girls. But now its for boys. We need you to butch it up a bit. Just make it more butch-ey.

Find this woman, even though you have no idea what she looks like

Here are over 4,000 images. Please find Claudia. She may be in the auditorium? Maybe not, she had to leave early. Yep, that's all the information about her that I'm going to give you. This should only take you 2 hours.

No Alchemy Jane...

That is profoundly unsexy.

Characters in Development

"Ghetto Hurricane"
"Baby Doll Nightmare"
"Boozy Sunder"
"Bangin Brast"
"Def Blizzard"
and
"Volcano"

On mottos...

AD1: We need something quick
AD2: and easy..
AD1: just like your girlfriend

Just think

we could have gotten our dicks wet a lot more if we just would have gone to detention more often

Fuck weather maps

if they want to know the temperature of texas, they can just look at another map.

This is exactly the kind of feedback I like to hear at my final critique

You had some pretty dumb approaches.

Your pod needs to be at a more decisive angle

I like the pods notion. It feels more like high school—high school accounting.

Gods = aliens

I still haven't figured out who did this. Must have been extra terrestrial.

How to defend your design

You could say "UFOs look like baskets" and then this would be okay.

Graphic design grading policy

multiple mediocre designs = much mediocre

multiple excellent designs = much excellent

multiple pretty good designs = still admirable

I'm not boring you, am I?

Part of the reason why I'm wasting your time—maybe this whole quarter has been a waste of your time

I learn something new every day.

Computers are made by humans—they're not crystals.

He made another tennis analogy

Gordon is never going to be Serena Williams—he's not black

I'm in charge of the design curriculum, so I can probably make this happen

This class should really be called "How not to be a typography whore"

I have no faith in my students

You can crop your photos—but you'll probably ruin it.

I'm not talking about album covers

"Wrap it"—is that your motto?

No, because we're looking at keys

Look at that—doesn't that turn you on?

Looks like we've got a smoker here...

Who thinks smoking is harmful?

600 people have died from it

Do you have swine flu?

3-D grapes aren't very nutritious

This design is not going to prevent world hunger, only governments can do that

Take notes about this key, it's pretty revolutionary

Same dumb key...but harmoniously dumb.

Go buzz or go home

(about a shaved head) Thats a pretty decisive haircut.

Hold your questions, I'm doing my Batman monologue now

This project is a little reminiscent of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers"

You guys have no talent

Anyone with basic motor skills could do that.

This is really exciting stuff, isn't it?

Doesn't it just get your heart pounding when you see progressions like that?

Take it to the non-limit

I tell students to test the parameters.  They don't really exist, it's just something I say.

Word of the Day

Patternistic- patterned

I don't really pay attention to course evaluations because I've been on tenure for 40 years

Relatively Irrelevant—that's going to show up in a course evaluation.

Analogies: the most helpful kind of criticism

This key is like our unfortunate, troubled friend Michael Jackson—what he did to his face.  You don't want to pull a Michael Jackson.

I guess I'm qualified to be teaching you

I don't consider myself smarter than you...well, maybe a little.

Keyboards are really confusing

"How do you make a new one?"

"A new word?  You just type it."

Dream it you fuckin' dreamers

You can do 1/2" size. But I do not interfere with those because those are your dreams and I do not interfere with your dreams. The computer kills your dreams


Well, I'm going to go now. I'll come back when you need me

Crazy new technology

Who knows what a lates is? Anyone know what a lates is? I think its a machine.. a machine that they use...
(class) I think that says lattes.

Don't worry

I'm pretty harmless.

I don't have a daylight setting, just a direct sunlight setting

The key to success

Concentrate on penetrating the hole or holes if it has more than one. Don't draw it unless it goes all the way through.

Make sure you email me a PDF

Its heinz, like the ketchup.

If your letters are off by a fraction of a millimeter, I can't help you

I can't even look at this right now.

Why I cancel class once a week and let you out an hour early

This class is pointless.

When working with more than one...

You have to make sure they don't climax at the same time.

1+2=5

There seems to be a progression in units here.  1 unit, 2 units....(stares at one side in silence for a good 5 seconds) 5 units.....(stares at another side for 10 seconds silently)....well, I don't need to count all of them.

Cincinnati is in Ohio?

People from New York and New Jersey are geographically... uhh.. challenged.

An Uneven Exchange

I've tried nipple clamps. Well, I bet my friend to karaoke and he dared me to try nipple clamps.

Men Tell Feminists to "Go ahead and revolt"

As long as you're cooking, what do I care?

A Bunch of Clowns

All the cubes look kinda funny today.

Words of the Day

Assumptiveness
Arbitrate
Defensible

Use big words when you have nothing to contribute

Verbally Verbalize—to say

Too crooked for words

(mumble) straighten up.

You have no idea how much it bothers me when something is crooked. When I see a painting in a museum... I get nervous.

Word of the Day

Specificity-the actism of beingocrity specific

Lefty Loosey Righty Tighty

You have a hand for shaking and a hand for other things

Who here is the first one in their family to attend college?

You are?  So you're white trash.

Wrap it before you tap it

I'm not wearin' a raincoat!
It's not a raincoat.

Has anyone lived on foodstamps?

You have three strikes! Black, Appalachian and a woman.

First Aid Procedure

"I cut my finger, like an inch!"

"Oh wow." (turns around and walks out of the room)

Somebody get him!

You can take my car! Oh wait, I have class.

Type is so confusing when you draw in front of a mirror

"What are these?"

"They're nines."

"Really?  No they're not."

A Recipe for Design Aesthetics

Lettuce
Tomato
Spinach
Spice
Broccoli
and hopefully something else.

Movie vs. Inebriation Quagmire

How many times have you gone to a movie and thought "Wow, I would have rather gotten drunk"

Self-Esteem Advice

When you see a really bad O on the blackboard, maybe you'll feel better about your own.

Did Jesus get erections?

I was in bed with my girlfriend and poked her in the eye.

Impervious to pain

You could cut off a leg, and, no big deal!

What? It's 11:30 already?

I do not wear a watch on my wrist. My pulse changes the time you see.

Kids in China have it so hard...

The small people in China can comprehend 300 of their country letters.

Incrementalize

Use consequent space interest approach.

This is an alphabet for terrorists

I think, "What the hell?? This brings nothing to society."

Ascenders and Descenders

80% of them [go above or below the baseline]...actually I just made that up.

Diagnose the Cube

Interpret your analysis of your diagnosis.

Word of the Day

materiality.
(n) property of what something is made of. synonmyms: material

Ex. Make sure you vary the materiality in which you use your intuitionisms for the color climates in harmonizations.